Tired of Living In Fear*

I am so tired of being afraid, living in fear and having to second guess myself all of the time. Ever since —— (my wife of thirty-five years this coming Nov. 22) lost her job due to being laid off just before the Stock Market Crash in Oct. 2008 after surviving a brain aneurism. And her unemployment benefits ran out along with the decision to deny her application for disability by Social Security I’ve had to foot the bill for our two earner lifestyle all by myself. 

It hasn’t been easy being dependent on overtime that comes and goes (sometimes unexpectedly) nor do I care for how the overtime interferes with the rest of my life. Especially arriving at home in the evenings flat out exhausted and feeling too tired to write and/or watch a television program or reading a book without falling asleep on the couch or in bed where I like to read.  

I’m tired of being afraid of  

-losing my job

– losing my home

– doing or saying the wrong thing at work that could get me in trouble, wrote up or suspended

– working with a team leader who bullies to get his way and habitually uses threats to achieve compliance with his directives  

– of not having enough money in my checking account to pay the bills, buy food and/or anything I might need or even want

*This was written November 11, 2016

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